some trees by our apartment
I have not wrote a post since we got back to Seattle, I think mainly that is because I have been working so much. It has been the total opposite experience from Portland. In Portland I had a lot of time to think, and therefore write, and now I am working two jobs, one at Starbucks during the day and the other at Greggs Cycle during the night.
I feel I am trying to take what I learned in Portland and now try to apply it here in Seattle. I feel the main thing I learned is that really my life is not totally my own and that God directs your steps, therefore it is really difficult to make sense of your life always. I also realized that I felt like I was entitled to certain things in life, but really I am not entitled to anything, any good thing that comes my way is truly a blessing and a grace. When I really break down my life, the fact that my heart is still beating is out of my control. So this makes me think, how much more the mysteries and passions of my life are out of my control, if I can’t even control my heart beat. Of course I will still follow the desires of my heart and keep hope, but I will not feel so entitled to those things.
Working so much and not having a community still, is really depressing for me. I am starting to play some music with friends, but we’re all so busy that it is hard to play as much as I’d want. To all who read this, we are playing this Thrusday May 14th at the Blaubak Art Gallery in Kirland, at 6PM, come early because we won’t play long. It seems my heart always comes back to music, and that being playing music is the true passion in life. I joke around with people at Starbucks, as to why have I chosen something that is so hard to accomplish with my life, wanting to be a musician that raises the call for social justice. Sometiems I wish I was a more mechanical person, technical person, or interested in academia or even just motivated by money, but I am not. So it is very confusing to me to know what directions to take, God has always led me in the past, but these next steps, I really feel that I do not have a hint as to where they will go.
Hope to see some of you this Thursday.
