Last night I randomly chose a chapter from the book, “Journey of Desire” by John Eldrege to read. Two of his books about 6 years ago really reshaped my view of what it means to have a relationship/continuous conversation with God. I would say his book, “The Sacred Romance” really almost saved my faith from turning into something just religious and shallow, to something real. Last night as I was reading this chapter he gave a great analogy that brought a lot of direction and peace to me. This is from the chapter “Entering more deeply into desire.”
You may have heard an orchestra tuning up before a concert. It sounds like total chaos–oboes, cello, French horns, dozens of instruments all sounding off, everyone doing his own thing. Trills, groans, whistles, thumps–an absolute cacophony. This is how our desires seem most of the time. But then the first violin plays a long high C, and slowly, all the other instruments join in. They become focused, centered, ready to perform. Such is what happens with the chaos of our desires when we turn our souls to God in worship. All the other desires find their place as we give God his place. That is why the psalmist urges us, “Delight yourself in Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart” Only as we truly delight in God is it safe to give us our desires, for then they are not likely to become idols.
For me this is something I have to be constantly reminded of all the time, because for as long as I can remember I have been a person of great desire. I have wanted to make something of my life, live by my passions and with purpose and feel committed to a mission. All of this for me of course gets anchored and translated around my main gifting/talent, which is as a songwriter. But for me its not just about being a songwriter and the performance, those people are a dime a dozen, and I definitely don’t just want to be a “rock star.” My true belief and desire is that through music I can be a part of some sort of change in the world.
I use to want to be a preacher, and as one preacher said, I want to just let the congregation watch me burn before them. Now I feel that the best way for me to burn, is by singing and playing my heart out before people. I feel that when I was in Tepic, I was given a taste of what is possible. My belief that a band can actually bring change to the world was proven, but it drove my desire “loco” because I wanted so much more, I still do want mare. I feel called to the world as a whole, and now I am left here without a job or a complete band, and the most competive place in the world to make it as a musician, but I still have much more peace and calm than ever. I have been sucked in by the Tide of God’s love and I can’t escape. After reading that chapter, everything was really put into perspective for me. When my main desire is to just “BE” with God, my other desires just seem like my cat Lenny meowing at me to let him out the door, cute but a little annoying. I still desire and believe in the movement and into the sea as much as ever before, but for some reason I have more peace than before as well.
I don’t know why I wanted to share all of this, but maybe some of your comments will help me know why. I’ll leave you with an old video, I am sure most of you have seen it before, its Into the Sea playing in Tepic, I hope the sound quality doesn’t hurt your ears too bad.
