view from sky lounge, plaza del gobierno
our house
Into the Sea
driving, so exciting
lenny in action
a little practice
from the roof of our first house
asleep in the food court
stephanie's national geographic shot
the huertas are festive
first ever torta tour
torta tour
making punch in la fortuna
handing out teddy bears made by stephanie in la fortuna
vallarta
everybody's singing
last show at house bar
connecting
a show with possibly the worst sounding sound system ever, but a cool location
not gang affiliated
cathedral tepic
main avenue in tepic
The other day we had our first moment, where we thought, why do we worry, why do we doubt. So we came up last week to our condo and showed it to a potential tenant, who did not end up wanting to rent the condo. So we were left with the thought of living in a condo we cannot afford to live in. Then, 10 minutes before we were about to leave to go to Portland a couple of days latter, someone called us and said she was really interested in the Condo. We showed her the Condo right then and there, and now we have new tenants who seem to be really awesome, and even feel that God directed them to the condo. So we will be moving back to live in our condo, for the month of April starting this Satruday, while we look for jobs and try to find a place to rent in Seattle. So, after about a month of trying to rent the condo, at the very last moment someone decides to rent it. 10 minutes before giving up hope, it happens, I truly do believe God has a sense of humor with my life right now. Every plan I had before leaving Tepic has been completely turned upside down and that is including: Portland, jobs, my band, the movement, and now we won’t be living in the same city as Andy and Nayeli. If you would have told me before I left Tepic that literally every thought I was having at the time, would turn out to be nothing, I would probably have laughed or totally dispared. The truth is now after all of this, I have total peace and even excitement and hope for the future. God treats us so personally, and he knows how to get what he wants out of us, if we are just the slightest bit willing to go along with the ride.
Man, these commercials with Sarah mclachlan talking about ASPCA, is SO DEPRESSING, GEEZ.
a dam up by lake chelan
Stephanies B-Day, Argentinian Restaurant, Tepic
So we landed in Portland 2 months ago, and nothing really has turned out how we wanted or expected, and at the same time it has been awesome there. We expected to find jobs and musicians right away to start practicing and playing shows, didn’t happen. We didn’t expect to meet such awesome people there, like at the church we have been going to called, The Bridge that has been so refreshing to me. Also I wasn’t expecting to totally think Portland, as a city, would be so awesome, although my intuition told me I would, and that is one of the main reasons we went there. Now after 3 months of job searching there, and applying now for probably 50 jobs with no responses, I think I am reading the signs, which are to come back to Seattle. I prayed to God that if I didn’t have a job by April then I would move back to Seattle. So basically what has happened is that are renters moved out of our condo yesterday, we have to pay our taxes, and after the heavy expenses of moving and having to dig into our savings the last couple of months, it seems we are left with no other options except to move back to Seattle, or a work of God happens to make us stay in Portland. The Good things about moving back to Seattle is that, one, we’ll be closer to our friends and family, and it also regenerates our desire to start doing the movement again. I am also hoping that since the economy is better in Seattle and we know more people, that it will help us in finding work. On that note, Stephanie and I are willing to be doing anything to make money right now, we have experience doing a lot of different types of stuff office admin to manual labor. So please if you need work or are aware of job openings let us know, we’re hard workers. So for now, we wait for the miracles we have experienced so many times in the past and look forward to being closer to everyone in Seattle. I leave you with a band that always brings much comfort to me, and Stephanie and I are in Mukilteo right now working on our condo for the next couple of days, call us if you want to see us (503)317-2944
Filed under: LIFE
what is disappointment, but an opportunity to hope.
from our window in our apartment
Last night I randomly chose a chapter from the book, “Journey of Desire” by John Eldrege to read. Two of his books about 6 years ago really reshaped my view of what it means to have a relationship/continuous conversation with God. I would say his book, “The Sacred Romance” really almost saved my faith from turning into something just religious and shallow, to something real. Last night as I was reading this chapter he gave a great analogy that brought a lot of direction and peace to me. This is from the chapter “Entering more deeply into desire.”
You may have heard an orchestra tuning up before a concert. It sounds like total chaos–oboes, cello, French horns, dozens of instruments all sounding off, everyone doing his own thing. Trills, groans, whistles, thumps–an absolute cacophony. This is how our desires seem most of the time. But then the first violin plays a long high C, and slowly, all the other instruments join in. They become focused, centered, ready to perform. Such is what happens with the chaos of our desires when we turn our souls to God in worship. All the other desires find their place as we give God his place. That is why the psalmist urges us, “Delight yourself in Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart” Only as we truly delight in God is it safe to give us our desires, for then they are not likely to become idols.
For me this is something I have to be constantly reminded of all the time, because for as long as I can remember I have been a person of great desire. I have wanted to make something of my life, live by my passions and with purpose and feel committed to a mission. All of this for me of course gets anchored and translated around my main gifting/talent, which is as a songwriter. But for me its not just about being a songwriter and the performance, those people are a dime a dozen, and I definitely don’t just want to be a “rock star.” My true belief and desire is that through music I can be a part of some sort of change in the world.
I use to want to be a preacher, and as one preacher said, I want to just let the congregation watch me burn before them. Now I feel that the best way for me to burn, is by singing and playing my heart out before people. I feel that when I was in Tepic, I was given a taste of what is possible. My belief that a band can actually bring change to the world was proven, but it drove my desire “loco” because I wanted so much more, I still do want mare. I feel called to the world as a whole, and now I am left here without a job or a complete band, and the most competive place in the world to make it as a musician, but I still have much more peace and calm than ever. I have been sucked in by the Tide of God’s love and I can’t escape. After reading that chapter, everything was really put into perspective for me. When my main desire is to just “BE” with God, my other desires just seem like my cat Lenny meowing at me to let him out the door, cute but a little annoying. I still desire and believe in the movement and into the sea as much as ever before, but for some reason I have more peace than before as well.
I don’t know why I wanted to share all of this, but maybe some of your comments will help me know why. I’ll leave you with an old video, I am sure most of you have seen it before, its Into the Sea playing in Tepic, I hope the sound quality doesn’t hurt your ears too bad.
A few days ago I said how I was reminded that “No more shall we part” by Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds, is one of the best albums of all time. I thought that it would be fitting to share some songs from that album that really touch me. I first discovered this music thanks to the best man in my wedding, Andy Hackett, he flew up from Mexico to participate in the wedding and he brought this album with him for the journey. He then shared it with me that week before I got married, and I have been intrigued with this man ever since. The guys in my wedding party will recall watching a Nick Cave live DVD the night before the wedding. His voice, at first, is strange to say the least, but his lyrics which bring a transcendent longing, conquer any aesthetic tonal lacking. The song “love letter” is as good as it gets for me, and I remember the first time I heard it, it almost brought me to tears. So I will leave you with some live footage of them playing songs from the album, “No More Shall We Part.”
“Love Letter”
“Oh My Lord”
“God is in the House”
Filed under: LIFE
I had a dream one night that I was driving with a new friend I made here in Portland. The dream felt very optimistic, and we were on the road traveling through a desert region. Suddenly in broad daylight I notice that the moon was out. This struck me as being really strange, that the moon was out in the day. Then I notice that there was another moon in a different phase, then another and another, all different sizes and in different phases. I started counting and shouting out the different moons in the dream, because it seemed like something totally supernatural was happening. I counted 16 moons in total and then woke up. When I awoke, I felt really amazing, like anything is possible and that I should remain open to those feelings.
So now I have been left in the middle of a suspense, knowing that my faith is worth more than anything else I have, but not sure how I am going to survive through the winter, with out a job. As of right now I have probably applied for over 30 jobs here in Portland with no responses. At the same time I have been meeting some amazing people in Portland, and I am seeing so much potential with life here. I have been drawn closer to God than I have been in years, but I also feel more lost and confused than I have felt in a few years.
After 2 years of being able to live out of pure vision and my hearts desires, I am left here wondering what the future could hold. I left those things in Mexico believing that they were just the beginning, and that I was being directed here to go onto the next level of what was started in Tepic. Now it feels like those dreams and visions were just merry ideas, being crushed under the pressure of the cost of living. Despite all those feelings of dreams and visions being swept away, I still have moments of feeling the vision totally alive in my heart. In these moments is when I feel one with myself and God.
I’ll end this post with some lyrics I recently wrote for a new song:
“I can barely see the other side, standing alone in the rivers bend, surrounded by all the dead, singing son go on ahead, but my legs just wont bend underneath the moons light, tonight, tonight I wont even fight. Can I get a witness to take me by the hand, I want to feel the scars in your eyes, will they lead me to where the milk and honey reside, or is it all just a lie to get me to try, tonight, tonight I wont even fight.”
